Mamma’s got a brand new bag*

14 Sep

I’m having a hard time living up to my purse- it has initials on it.  Initials that I would never spend money on as they are not mine.

The bag was gifted to me and while I love receiving presents, this one is weird.

Since receiving the bag I have:

stopped my kid from hugging me because his clothes were dirty and I was holding the bag,

yelped because spilled water was heading toward the bag.  Water.  A life force and 98% of the person who owns the bag,

prohibited spouse from putting items in my car trunk because the bag was back there and “we can’t have groceries touching the bag.”  By “we” I mean me.

Since receiving the bag, I find myself contemplating life differently:

would a woman with such a bag tolerate insolence from her teenager?

Do other bag owners come home from work to an overflowing kitchen garbage can?  Do other bag owners even work and,

besides at a bag store, where would they want to work?

My husband, he loves the bag.  Not because he pays attention to purses other than to loudly recite how many I have when we’re shopping together but because he saw an article in InStyle magazine which clearly states that the bag must never be carried while wearing mom shorts, mom jeans, panties, or yoga clothes.

And when I say “an article” I mean there were pictures and Sophia Vergera was involved.

As for the friend who gave me the bag?  Let’s just say that when she presented the “bag” she meant “ball of anxiety*.”

2 Responses to “Mamma’s got a brand new bag*”

  1. Jonathan Broder September 14, 2011 at 3:09 pm #


    • Harry McRandypants September 15, 2011 at 5:48 pm #

      Yes, Sophia Vergera is awesome!

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