Austerity Measures (improved)

20 Dec

Instead of replacing his jeans as he gets taller, I buy my kid really cool socks.  Nothing rocks a Middle School Holiday Concert more than a violinist with purple argyle socks- exposed purple argyle socks.  From ankle to knee (mandigger) exposure.  In fact, as of right now, I am officially titling our new austerity plan: “Livin’ the Capri Life.”   As in, “go ask Grandma for money for the Book Fair- you’re Livin’ the Capri Life, son.”

Eliminate sugar from diet and call it a lifestyle change.

Eliminate food from diet as a wacky “New Year/New You” thing.

Eliminate a for-profit health care system, corporate bailouts, tax loopholes that only $400/hr lawyers can find.  Run for President, win, buy a yacht.  Just kidding.  Yachts for everyone.

Use the library for books, internet, newspaper, rest room, heat.

Get an even smaller belt and tighten it.

Make sure to go outside when it’s sunny to ward off depression.

Watch “Fargo” (again).  Challenge yourself to incorporate classic lines into daily conversation.  “I’m working with you,” “I thought we could take care of this here officer,” “He’s fleeing the interview” and “What the Christ?” are all easy enough- one traffic stop and you’re covered.

While this Fargo approach does not help financially, it will turn bleak couch time into happy- fun- time- now couch time, which also wards off depression.

Until things get better, sleep.

3 Responses to “Austerity Measures (improved)”

  1. Norm Magnussonnorm December 20, 2011 at 12:52 pm #

    Where’d you get the belt? Did you buy it? Steal it from Grandma? Hmmm?

    • Renee N. December 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

      Steal from Grandma? Oxymoron? I am still accepting oxymorons for the list.

  2. katiehorn December 20, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    I am happy to report that I pull out and probably misquote Fargo lines with regularity.
    The one that I find is a perfect response when I have been confused, insulted or misunderstood by someone is, “You’re getting Arby’s on me.”
    The other I used to use as a cheeky response to frigid weather but since I have lived upstate for almost a decade I use with an earnest heart. When the wind is whipping and the sky is slate and everything is frozen I will say to myself, “and it’s such a beautiful day.”

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