Cake walk…or drive

24 Jan

It was bad enough that Mindy sauntered through the kitchen carrying a pink box that, anyone who has ever been to a kid’s birthday party knows, contains Carvel ice cream cake.  With the best blue frosting ever.  Really, it’s the only blue frosting worth eating and I don’t italicize just anything.

But when she said “I’m going to throw this away,” I pounced.

I was at the party last week and that cake was fresh and delicious; it should still taste almost like new.  To throw it away seemed cavalier and insensitive to the memory of Tom Carvel, creator of Fudgie the Whale and Cookie Puss cakes.

“I’ll take it,” I said.  I’ll feed it to the chickens.”

“You don’t have chickens,” she noted.

Damn.  New Year’s Eve 2011: Mindy stopped taking Ambien and now her short-term memory is functioning properly.  So, because of a stupid New Year’s resolution, I should lose cake?  I hope she doesn’t realize that all the expired food she gave me “for the chickens” was actually “for my kid.”  I hate New Year’s.

Her resolve, literally, took food out of my mouth.  Well maybe not food, but definitely blue.   And fat.

Was it wrong that I scooped that box from the trash on my way home?  Nestled in its thick (pink) box, touching no other items, with an outdoor temperature of 22 degrees, that cake was totally safe.  No, it was not wrong to take the cake.  It was right.

I carefully placed the cake into the passenger seat, fastened the seat belt and drove that cake home like it was my date.  I named it Wilson.  (Because I would never date a dude named “Fudgie” (maybe “Puss.”)  I have dated guys named Skid, Skull, Square and…Bob.)

Later that evening, after a lengthy “discussion” with spouse about frugality versus free blue food and how ultimately society bears the cost of edibles sold in bright pink boxes, I stabbed Wilson with my fork and chewed his middle.

Future “conversations” with spouse have been postponed until after Valentine’s Day or, as I call it, Hand Over Your (Lindt) Balls Day.

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6 Responses to “Cake walk…or drive”

  1. Wandering Flatlander January 25, 2012 at 6:15 am #

    Only old flatlanders know who Tom Carvel is.

  2. Joanne January 25, 2012 at 10:51 am #

    Blue is my favorite flavor !!!

  3. Susan January 25, 2012 at 11:31 am #

    Um, if that’s the same “Wilson” I saw, he was fresh and delicious somewhat more than a week ago. And Wilson sat quietly while a lot of people chatted, guffawed, and otherwise spewed microscopic remnants of other comestibles over his lovely blueness. It is possible the blue shielded his middle from the storm, no doubt that is why you went for the middle first?

    Note that I am not at all criticizing your rescue, but simply recommending that next time you check Mindy’s fridge periodically to be sure they are eating their leftovers at an appropriate rate, so you can intervene sooner if needed.

    Your post made my day, it’s always good to laugh out loud before noon!

  4. ydaf January 25, 2012 at 3:13 pm #

    Does your spouse have to submit his balls to mastication if they are not Lindts.

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