Antibiotic Season

14 Feb

Because antibiotics come with a warning to avoid direct, prolonged exposure to sunlight, winter in upstate NY is definitely the best time for an infection.

Any kind of sunlight is so rare here in February that come March, when the faintest hint of green appears in our lives, when we are so desperate for kelly-tinted nourishment, we lose common sense and, in a moment of reckless abandon, double our order.

I am, of course, referring to the Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookie.

Boxes ordered so cavalierly in January- as if bleak calories count less than regular calories- are stashed away and hoarded.  Some end up in the freezer for summer, others are intended as gifts while others are hidden for those days when Mommy wants a shot of whiskey in her coffee but it’s seven-thirty in the morning and she has to drive a certain someone to Middle School.  Of course, some cookies are simply eaten.

Or is it simple?  Once the Thin Mints make it into the house, what surely follows are the marital spats over the true definition of a serving size, the discussion that, no, Keebler grasshopper cookies are not the same as the Thin Mint and if they are, in fact, that much alike, why don’t you eat the damn grasshopper cookies and leave me the Thin Mints?  And no March would be complete without “The Wasting of the Thin Mints by Crumbling Them over Ice Cream” monologue- you either want ice cream or a cookie (or seven), not both.  The world is made up of two kinds of people- be a decider.

The lack of prolonged sunshine combined with the consumption of Thin Mints followed by swimsuit guilt is enough to make a person sick.

Which is why I needed antibiotics in the first place.

I hate Girl Scouts.

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