Rollerblades, Alex Trebek, X-Ray Specs and (super) me

4 Apr

If granted one wish for a superpower, the best superpower to ask for would be the ability to transport myself anywhere in no time at all.  Sunshine always, except when I fancy a bit of rain.  Or authentic Mexican food.

The ability to read other people’s minds is overrated and besides, I’m not sure I’d want to know when someone (spouse, child, most likely spouse) did not find me charming.  Or that my habit of interrupting with completely unrelated bits of information is less adorable than it feels.  Although sometimes, to make the interruption seem less rude, I will phrase it in the form of a question like: “did you know that Alex Trebek recently thwarted a robbery in the San Francisco Marriott Marquis by chasing down the criminal on foot?  I’m sorry, you were saying…”

Calorie-free food would be awesome but immediate transport power beats food power because, with time saved on commuting to the gym, one might actually go inside and work out instead of sitting in the parking lot, listening to a new indie band on NPR and then driving home to eat peanut butter straight from the jar- while trying to decide what to make for dinner.  Calories become unimportant as all the muscle-building, fat-burning Zumba you are now doing has turned you into a metabolic dynamo.

Having the ability to know if clothes and/or shoes fit well without having to try them on would also rock but the wish fairy has already created Zappo’s.

I would not rule out the ability to halt an eye roll with my mind (see “interrupting” above).  Because watching faces distort is its own reward and I live with folks who, to me, seem to roll their eyes excessively.

While x-ray specs are awesome, comes a time when there is so much behind the scenes infrastructure in place, burning a wish on see-through clothing only to have it result in a peek at scaffolding and boobs seems wasteful.

Being able to forgive sounds good, but not at the cost of forgetting.  I am essentially an elephant when it comes to forgetting, and my knees.  They’re baggy.  It’s genetic.  You are all on notice about the forgetting thing though.

So until I achieve Wonder Woman status at home, I’m sticking with WD40.  It’s the closest thing to having a superpower and did you know that it can be used to remove Rollerblade marks from kitchen floors and that Abraham Lincoln was the first president to have a beard?  Who roller blades in the kitchen?  I’m sorry, you were saying…

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4 Responses to “Rollerblades, Alex Trebek, X-Ray Specs and (super) me”

  1. Norm Magnusson April 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

    Does it work on heely marks, too?

    • Renee N. April 4, 2012 at 7:25 pm #

      Norm- visit the wd40 website. It does everything but turn a sandwich into a banquet.

  2. Jonathan Broder April 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm #

    Nice work.

  3. Wandering Flatlander April 5, 2012 at 8:47 am #

    If you slather yourself with WD you will have no friction and easily slide between dimensions.

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