Why I Roller Skate

24 May

I skate because Interskate 88 is the only place I know where for $4, politics, religions, opinions and chores are set aside as people unite and work hard to not run over each other.

Sure, there’s a disco ball, twinkly lights and awesome music (hello?  Gloria Gaynor anyone?) but what draws me to the rink is the opportunity to generate g-force using my body mass.  (Ha!  And you thought I was just chubby; I am all science.)  Also let’s not overlook the intense concentration it takes to prevent a faulty wheel from initiating a random turn that takes out small children (they are like rubber when they fall, though) and the rush of feeling  six pounds lighter by simply removing those bad boys when you’re done.

Other times, my mental soundtrack plays Dire Straits’ “Skateaway” and I connect with my inner rollergirl whose outstretched arms are filled with grace and power, whose thighs are strong and mighty and who in that moment, will  either wobble and fall or accelerate, close her eyes and fly.  Of course I look like an Ethel Merman/Apollo Ono/Jerry Lewis mash-up but, damn it, I’m taking chances.

I YMCA, chicken dance, limbo and, when I’m feeling unstoppable (literally), I grease lightning.  I am too busy trying to stay up to think about how I look or care about how you look.  This is no time to judge others- although, if you must, I recommend sitting at the counter as it faces straight into the rink.  (Also an opportune time to discreetly wipe roller sheen from your face, bangs and hands.)

I skate because it’s fun.  I skate because my kid will do it with me without having to be seen around me.  (Unless he needs money for snacks.)  I skate because the rink is the Grand Equalizer- where we are all in another’s shoes while paying for the privilege to be so.

That, and there’s some pretty fine light bulb cooking: hot dogs, pizza and hot pretzels IN ADDITION TO ice cream, soda and candy.

Skating is not for sissies.  It’s not for posers, liars or anyone on a diet.  It’s for couples, trios and me.  I skate because I’m me.  I fall because I’m spastic but the skating part?  All me.

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2 Responses to “Why I Roller Skate”

  1. joe May 24, 2012 at 6:18 pm #

    How I miss your humor! Ethel merman! Ya killin me!

  2. ydaf May 25, 2012 at 8:01 am #

    Nice piece–the writing, not you ,of course.

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