The “F” Word

13 Jun

My husband said it (again).  And he said it knowing that I would overhear.

And react.

Why, why do I let him manipulate me so?

(And why do I sound like a 1940’s forlorn movie ingenue?  Never mind; we know that I adore sounding like a 1940’s movie ingenue.  The forlorn part is a bonus.)

He said that our house was “filthy.”

Not “messy” (check), not “cluttered” (check plus), not even “in need of a good once over.”

Had he actually said that our house was in need of a good once over, I could at least enjoy making fun of him while being angry: at what level do the “overs” stop?  Why not a twice or a thrice over?  (I love the word “thrice”- so underutilized, I almost wish he had said “once over.”)

Our house is many things including a source of never-ending food for the boy and his friends.  (How does it get there and why can’t the fairies ever remember to put the caffeine-free Cokes in the fridge?  I’d hate the boy but right now I’m too busy being mad at his dad.)

There is one thing, however, that my house is not.  Ever.  And that is filthy.  Public restrooms are sometimes filthy.  (I say sometimes because I once had a positive experience in a Penn Station restroom that, consequently, negated my right to generalize.)

My house is not a train station lavatory.  As the only female in the house, feline included, I will admit that there are moments when the bathroom is less than daisy fresh.

But “filthy?”  An entire house?  Based on what?

Ah, the heart of the matter.

For every “F” thought he has, for every “F” word he espouses, I counter with the “G” word.

“G.”  As in German.

The very genetics that make him insist on being early for being early for any event- have you any idea how mortifying it is to be, not only the first guests to arrive at a dinner party, but also the guests who ask at what time the party will terminate?

Those genes are responsible for his liberal and unwarranted use of the “F” word.

His heritage made him drop the “F” bomb.

It’s horrible.  And it works.

Because before I posted this, I finished a hands-and-knees cleaning of the laundry room floor.  I found five dollars and three guitar picks.

And I’m just mad enough to clean the kitchen too.

3 Responses to “The “F” Word”

  1. Joanne June 13, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    How ironic , I just walked into my store this morning and uttered the same word ! We Germans need to stick together, maybe a support group !

  2. Mike Austin June 13, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    Clean??? You call zat clean??? Ve haff vays of making you a bettah housevife.

  3. Wandering Flatlander June 14, 2012 at 6:39 am #

    I have noticed that anger and cleaning seem to often occur simultaneously. I, however, am of German heritage and don’t really have an eye for clean. If I think something is filthy it’s gross. I also don’t have that early thing like my wife, who is not German, does. Maybe the Norwegian, Scottish, and English diluted my German. Not German enough. Love your blog.

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