Judging? I’m there!

26 Jul

I just spent the entire day baking so it must be Christmas.

Three pounds of butter in five hours.  6 cups of packed light brown sugar and so much time spent creaming some things and lightly pressing others that I just want to lock myself in the pantry and spend the rest of the day sniffing vanilla extract.  With gusto.

Also, the holidays must be approaching because why else would so many parents at the village pool yell “Jesus Christ goddamn it will you stop splashing?!”  And so frequently.  (Those are the Baptists.  They hog the shallow end.)

Impending Christmas also helps explain why I find myself, hand on face, sighing “do you see what I see?” (a lot) again, while at the public pool.

And my hair is as brittle and dry as a month old Christmas tree so there’s that.

I’m certain that the anxiety I’m feeling is in no way related to the boy and I entering our favorite holiday treats into the baking category at the Sunshine Fair (opens tomorrow).  And then we actually had to follow through and bake them all (today).

What I’m feeling is more of the what-kind-of-guy-sees-you-when-you’re-sleeping-and-knows-when-you’re-awake-but-is-not-married-to-you kind of stress and certainly not blue ribbon lust.  Right?

We’re talking Black Friday-doors open at 4AM-praying to Bing Crosby’s of White Christmas-Past (pre-David Bowie)-level stress.

These are not just the worries of a mom who wants her kid, just this one time, to win Best of Show for SOMETHING.  (I would hate to think that I called upon the spirit of style-maker David Bowie for that.)

And so, in keeping with Christmas and all things hyperbole, judgement day is upon us.  The cookies have been dusted and plated with care.  (Pfeffernusse.  Our strategy was to shake the judges out of their chocolate chip/oatmeal raisin coma and bring home the blue with a coffee-based spice cookie.  Plus, the “Pf” sound is really trendy right now like: Phish, Phrog, Phat and Philadelphia, only cooler.  Like 1970’s actress Joann Pflug; she’s retired from acting and now works as a motivational speaker.)

And so, this holiday/fair season, I wish you a merry Garth Brooks impersonator and a happy bucket of french fries.

Who wouldn’t be happy with a bucket of fries?

One Response to “Judging? I’m there!”

  1. joe July 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    I love pfefernusse. Its not Christmas without them. Brings me back to my childhood of wenst I was a little girl.
    And I love love love the stuff you write.
    Its more HOW you write it. Its awful gaud. 😉

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