Oxymorons happen all the time. Example: Saturday morning at the town dump and your neighbor, while throwing away what looks like a perfectly good lamp says, “This lamp never worked right and I don’t understand. I just bought it at WalMart.” (BAM! You now have your first oxymoron of the day and it’s not even 10AM!): A Quality Purchase from WalMart.
The way I see it, my job as a wordsmith is to record oxymorons so that our understanding of language improves over time and I enjoy a tiny inner trickle of bemusement that’s just for me.
The following list contains oxymorons that I have collected recently (along with horribly named hair salons like, “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow” and “The ClipHer Ship” but that’s for another time.)
I hope you enjoy them as much as I do and, please, feel free to add your own. Just not “Jumbo Shrimp.” That one is as old as dirt. (BAM! Cliche Alert!):
Fat-Free Ice Cream
Department of Environmental Protection
Fluorescent Lighting
Rap Singer
Party of One
Egg White Omelet
Late Fines at the Free Public Library
A Gripping Performance by Adam Sandler
A Film by Adam Sandler
Funnyman Adam Sandler
Ohio-style Pizza
State Worker
White Chocolate
Actor Tom Arnold
A Wait List at the Olive Garden
Mrs. Harvey Fierstein
and
Music by Sting.
Ouch! The snark! Best one was the two (hey there’s an oxymoron) Adam Sandlers references.