Trick or Treat- here’s my policy

31 Oct

Take candy from a stranger?  No problem.  If it’s chocolate, I’ll eat it right there, straight pins and all.  Unless:

the house smells like cigarette smoke or pee,

has a ferret or senior living in it. (I will ask.)

Is creepy.

Has trademarked character or “Believe,” “Believe in Yourself,” or “Life is a Journey” type flags displayed on the premises (also creepy).

Has a chain link fence around the yard with a pit bull size spot dug out underneath.

Hands out anything homemade.  Do you have any idea how much human touching goes into making popcorn balls?  Gross.

I will not visit a house that gives out dimes

or asks me to perform a trick

or makes me do a trick and then gives me a dime.  (In my neighborhood, this was the Hoffman family.  They also confiscated our baseballs when they landed in their yard.  They were jerks and they never adjusted for inflation.)

I will not accept candy from a house that has overflowing garbage cans out front when it’s not even “Garbage Eve” or

has icicle lights hanging from the gutters all year long.  (This clause applies only to icicle lights.  Regular lights may hang year round in case of a Cinco de Mayo emergency.)

Is where the god people live.

Look, it’s my policy, not yours.  You don’t like it, get your own candy.

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One Response to “Trick or Treat- here’s my policy”

  1. Mary Ellen Keller November 26, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    And you policy about trick or treating at other times of the year? I seem to remember sometime between 1980 – 1982 you going up to a house on Sunset Street on some random day…NOT in costume…knocking on the door…saying trick or treat…AND GETTING CANDY!!!

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