Why I will never vote for James Sacket

5 Nov

It’s that time of the decade again.  And while I sort of know what the DA does, I’m not even sure if we are due to pick a new one.  What I (and possibly Oprah Winfrey) know for sure is that I (and probably Ms. Winfrey, definitely Gayle) would never elect a politician who gives matches to children.

And when I say “gives matches to children,” I am not using some political expression like “pork barrel” or “bridge to nowhere” that is strictly a euphemism for political gain.  (Besides, what could “pork barrel” mean other than “Chris Christie Eats Here?”)

What I mean, literally, is that circa 2006, while The Boy was briefly* left home alone (at age 8 or so), Schoharie DA candidate James Sacket left a book of matches (along with other election year swag) hanging from the front doorknob.  Obviously, The Boy was too scared to answer the door (good to know all those “Stranger Danger” drills worked.  Also if we ever get separated in the grocery store keep making left turns until you reach a corner and stay there.)

*The word “briefly” has been added at the request of Spouse who, back then, had concerns about leaving The Boy all-by- himself-alone for even the tiniest of moments.  Now that The Boy is 14, Spouse disappears for hours at a time “buying parts.”  (Read “When this whole world starts getting me down” (March 21, 2012) to learn how that worked out.)

Yes James Sacket, who, as quoted from the back of the matchbook, is “professional, reliable, impartial, organized and responsible” left a pencil and matches for our child.  I ask you: what is a pencil if not kindling with an eraser on top?

If anyone behaved “responsibly” here it was The Boy.  Not only did he not use the matches to burn down the house, he also refused to acknowledge weirdos knocking on the door.  (Good to know that all that Jehovah’s Witness training paid off too.)

Then again, it’s also possible that The Boy was listening to the rock and roll at such a loud volume, he didn’t even hear the crime-fighting, flame-making lawyer at the door and I have, instead, given him way too much credit (along with future hearing loss issues).

In any case, this November 6, do the right thing and vote.

Just leave the pyrotechnics at home.

James Sacket.  Flame we can believe in.

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One Response to “Why I will never vote for James Sacket”

  1. Jonathan Broder November 7, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    Love.

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