Why do Gifts Suddenly Appear?

13 Dec

buche de noel

I’m having issues with gifts and gifting and places that sell gifts and people who buy gifts.

Because, really, what does “gift” say other than “I’m caving in to a commercial frenzy and keeping gloves and picture frames in the house in case you stop by to gift me?”  Why gloves and frames?  Because gloves (in my size) are useful and picture frames demonstrate that, while you may never have witnessed it personally, surely the giftee has some sort of life in which things that are worth framing happen.

And while I know that wrapping paper is used to wrap the gifts, I have not used it since the inclusion of color comics in the Sunday paper as conventional gift wrap offers little reading and no laughs while that Dilbert still makes me grin.  And if the gift sucks, well, at least you’ll still have that Dilbert there.

So if you don’t need gifts, you don’t need gift wrap but why stop there?  Taking a perfectly fine outdoor tree and bringing it inside never made much sense to me either, but this time of year brings out the conspiracy theorist in me anyway.  Tell me there’s no backscratching  going on between Christmas tree dealers, Shop Vac retailers and McNeil, the makers of Benadryl.

I also suspect quid pro quo between the Land O’Lakes butter company, Martha Stewart and cardiologists but what do I know?  There are worse ways to go than death by Bûche de Noël.  Like while chopping down your own Christmas tree- biggest scam on the planet.

Keeping the Christ in Christmas has never been easier than in December.  I can still hear my dad, upon opening his presents, ask: “What the Christ am I supposed to do with a massaging foot bath?” or Spouse who recently uttered: “Who the Christ is calling at 9:45 at night?”

Christ is everywhere.  And so are gifts.  The Little Drummer Boy had ADHD that’s all.

One Response to “Why do Gifts Suddenly Appear?”

  1. wanderingflatlander December 14, 2012 at 9:34 am #

    I actually need a small picture frame. I’m stopping by with a regift.

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