“Let me just grab my hot glue gun…” (Nothing frightens Spouse more than a warmed up Thermogrip and a Michael’s giftcard. Somewhere out there is a napkin ring sans artificial flowers and we can’t have that.)
“It’s no accident that…” (Guess what? Sometimes it is, in fact, just an accident. Milk spills.)
“The universe will…” (But if the universe won’t, aren’t you just being lazy?)
“Hey! Little Buddy!…” (Too many exclamation points= bad news ahead.)
“We’re out of chocolate…” (Death wish.)
“Your mother and I think/feel/believe…” (Actually, Mom works real hard at not thinking/feeling/believing and Daddy’s a little uncertain here. She’s not standing behind me, is she?)
“Good morning Honeybunch!…” (It isn’t and I’m not.)
“The Bible says…” (Oh for Christ’s sake, even the Pope quit.)
“And finally…” (Because then there’s no more FA&S.)
Fresh Air and Sarcasm 
“You know what they say….” They don’t know anything.
” This won’t take long…” …………………………………
“Hold still. This won’t hurt”
I really don’t think the Pope should be allowed to quit. I mean If God’s gonna help anybody…. I think the Pope has lost his religion. ( cue REM)