Tag Archives: John Lennon

How To Name Your Pet

12 Aug

blog image mallorca

I never wanted the stray cat with the chopped off tail to become ours.  Especially since I knew that other neighbors were already calling him “Lucky,” yet those same neighbors refused to address the chopped off bloody tail so, how’s that for irony?

Which brings us to the whole going to the vet issue.

You probably didn’t think that there even was a going to the vet issue but, as someone who has previously found issues with going to the dentist (Tractor Supply-esque music in the waiting room, really?) and late book fines at the Free Public Library, I assure you, going to the vet is a thing too.

Mostly it’s when your pet is summoned and the technician acts as if there is more than one “Lucky” with a chopped tail in the waiting room.  So you offer how you weren’t responsible for naming him, in fact, you’re just here to fix the tail and release him back into the wild to which the vet tech replies that they “hate when animals are named Lucky because, actually, they usually aren’t.”

So in attempt to add some gravitas to the name “Lucky,” (although the producers of “King of the Hill” have certainly helped by having musician Tom Petty voice their character named “Lucky”), I now register the cat with a hyphenated last name that sounds exotic and intriguing.  Like the child of two self-important parents vying for top billing, I insist that the vet call him Lucky Doodles-Majorca.

And should they call out to the waiting room: “Lucky?…Lucky Doodles?”  I won’t respond.  After a noticeable pause, I’ll inquire: “I’m sorry.  Did you mean “Lucky Doodles-Majorca?  With a hyphen?” because a: I can and b: it’s righteous.  And that puffed up, flea-bitten, stump-tailed cat who just drooled a ribbon of spittle through the carrier and onto the floor knows that I’m right and begins to feel a sense of pride and self-worth.  And that’s before he even licks himself.

I picked “Majorca” because that is my go-to run away spot.  If I ever am reported missing, that’s where you’ll find me.  With flights from Newark starting as low as $1128- thanks Expedia!  (I picked “Doodles” because there is no finer snack.)

Which brings me to the point of today’s post: give your pet a moniker that instills pride in the animal and, also, will not embarrass you should you ever have to shout it out.   Names like: “Ernest Hemingway,” “Juan Valdez,” “James Earl Jones” and “Lou Reed” work while neither “Matthew” nor “McConaughey” nor “Matthew McConaughey” do.

If all else fails, go with two puppies and name them “Lennon” and “McCartney.”  If there’s a runt, call him “Ringo.”

You can always opt for the unofficial name of every pet that has ever run into the road: “Jesus Christ!,” “Jesus H. Christ!” or “Jesus H. Christ-Majorca.”  Your call.

PS: he’s been with us for eight years.

Lyrics that brought me here

10 Jan

“The sun was like a light bulb being swallowed by a clown.”- Elvis Costello

While studying similes in school, this one struck me as excellent.

“I repeat myself when under stress.  I repeat myself when under stress.  I repeat myself when under stress.”- King Crimson

A wonderful sentence on its own.  Incorporated into a song, genius.

“Zoo be zabba zoo be zabba zoo be zabba zay.”- Tom Waits

Fun to sing, fun to type.  Your left pinky will never get a more difficult workout unless you are a novelist and one of your characters has fallen asleep.

“Fat babies have no pride.”- Lyle Lovett

While I always thought that I would be either a choreographer or a bird in my next life, a fat baby is worth considering.

“That’s life.  That’s what all the people say.  You’re riding high in April, shot down in May.”- Frank Sinatra

Chairman of the Board making pessimism bounce since 1966.

I went back to Ohio.  But my pretty countryside.  Had been paved down the middle.  By a government that had no pride.”- Chrissie Hynde (The Pretenders)

a.  an environmental anthem that is still fresh and relevant today or:

b.  Ohio is governed by fat babies.

“You don’t have to be a star to be in my show.”- Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis, Jr.

If someone you know has spoken these words, in a somewhat saucy manner with emphasis added, they’re gay.  If you don’t think you have any gay friends, use Marilyn and Billy as a barometer.  It also wouldn’t hurt to rethink friends who speak saucily.

“Sha la la, man.”- Lou Reed.

An expression of disconnect and dispassion that is spot on.  That it encompasses Mr. Reed’s entire vocal range is a bonus.

“I don’t feel tardy.”- David Lee Roth (Van Halen)

Released in 1984, “Hot for Teacher” remains my go to apology.

“It takes a whole lot of medicine for me to pretend that I’m somebody else.”- Randy Newman

By medicine I mean a Barbara D’Alba and it doesn’t even take a lot, it just has to be good.

“Maybe Marlon Brando will be there by the fire.  We’ll sit and talk of Hollywood
and the good things there for hire.  And the Astrodome and the first tepee.
Marlon Brando, Pocahontas and me.”- Neil Young

Mortifying.  Our treatment of Native Americans is shameful.

“If anybody asks you where you’re coming from.  Say love.”- The Avett Brothers

A good practice, disarms critics.  (And the harmonies are lovely.)

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.”- Jimmy Davis

If you’ve ever been a postpartum mother you know that this song, while useful for putting babies to sleep, can also make you cry your eyes out.

“There’s one thing I know, though I’m younger than you.  Even Jesus would never forgive what you do.”-Bob Dylan

War is Hell.  Warmongers belong there.

“This land is your land.  This land is my land.”- Woody Guthrie

Share.  Act responsibly.  And for Christ’s sake, stop cutting the grass at 7AM on Saturday mornings- some of us were up all night.

“Imagine there’s no Heaven.  It’s easy if you try.  No hell below us.  Above us only sky.  Imagine all the people living for today.  Imagine there’s no countries.  It isn’t hard to do.  Nothing to kill or die for.  And no religion too.  Imagine all the people living life in peace.  You may say that I’m a dreamer.  But I’m not the only one.  I hope someday you’ll join us.  And the world will be as one.  Imagine no possessions.  I wonder if you can.  No need for greed or hunger.  A brotherhood of man.  Imagine all the people sharing all the world.  You may say that I’m a dreamer.  But I’m not the only one.  I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will live as one.”- John Lennon

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