Tag Archives: rain

On Why it’s Raining (Still)

7 Jun

blog image window screen

Why is the weather so horrible?

Because here’s why:

on the last blazing, hot and humid day to date (Saturday, June 1, but who’s keeping score?) I may have been crazy from the heat (bonus points if you noted the reference to David Lee Roth’s 1985 EP titled “Crazy from the Heat.”  And how do I know this?  It’s the EP on which he destroyed The Beach Boys “California Girls.” And when I say “destroyed” I mean “ruined” as in: “trashed,” “mocked” and “it’s no wonder he was busted buying a $5 bag of pot in Washington Square Park shortly thereafter; he stinks”) and I decided right then, on hot and humid Saturday, June 1, to put ALL the window screens in so that when the cool and dry breezes arrived, we would be able to partake of them.

And while I may have decided to install window screens immediately, I didn’t actually get to it until after I had coffee, yelled at The Boy and checked 6pm.com to see if any Kork-Ease sandals were on sale (because when the breezes do come, enjoying them in a lightweight and comfortable wedge is way more pleasant knowing that the shoes were 50% off (or more) with free shipping).

Note: yelling at The Boy is what happens on weekends when morning becomes afternoon and I have gotten nothing done and now it’s even hotter and all the funky, cheap Kork-Ease sandals are not available in size 9 but I have somehow convinced myself that a discounted BØRN or DANSKO sandal will be fine even though I know that they’re not as stylish and why is it so damn hot in here?

Update: it’s been rainy and cold since the screens went in.  It’s too soggy to wear the runner-up shoes, another weekend is upon us and I have a sore throat which means there will be limited yelling at The Boy.

I suppose I could check online to see if there are any snow tires on sale but the last time I bought snow tires and had them mounted, balanced and installed, we didn’t get snow for an entire winter, not even ice.

Also the tick population exploded, the plants all got sunburned and I didn’t wear the fabulous moonboots that I bought at Zappos.com even once.

I suppose if I want to make the sun come out, I just need to buy an umbrella.

CAB 5

29 Jul

My husband had quintuple bypass surgery- “CAB 5” in doctor speak.  I had no idea that cardiac surgery went beyond a quadruple bypass which, in my opinion, sounds way more dramatic than quintuple bypass surgery.

Perhaps because it’s the quadruple that you always hear about.  Consider figure skating.  (There’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.)  In most sports where lycra meets emotion, it’s the quadruple that gets the crowd going.  Never the quintuple; it’s too cumbersome.  If an athlete fails while attempting a quintuple half- gainer, we believe that they deserved to fail.  They aimed too high, couldn’t leave well enough alone.

In any case, my husband had a lot of arteries rerouted and lived to buy bagels again.  (See “Today’s Complaint”).

Here’s the surreal part: before surgery he was kept in a room where the  temperature was maintained at 33 degrees Fahrenheit.  One degree above freezing.  Cold enough to slow blood flow yet warm enough to keep him alive.

You know how flight attendants make you put your seatback up during takeoff and landing?   How they march briskly up the aisle and say things like “I need you to put that seatback up for me hon,” or “How did I end up serving tiny drinks from a tiny cart to a bunch of shiny Americans?”  Actually, no flight attendant has ever said that to me, but I know that they have thought it.  A lot.  We Americans develop quite a sheen when we travel.

I used to think that flight attendants’ behavior was passive aggressive: a way for an “11 credits-shy-of-graduation” employee to exert some small means of control at 30,000 feet.

Now, I sometimes wonder what is behind the “upright and locked” process; is it mysticism, intervention or the micro adjustment of a chair rippling the space/time continuum?

I have seen what a degree can do.

One degree.

The difference-

between snow and rain.

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