It was the night before High School
and all through the house
there were critters in the walls-
way more than one mouse.
The Boy was jumpy with nerves and with worry
yet still, in the walls, the creatures did scurry.
And so the Boy continued to pace
with expressions of doom etched on his face.
What could I tell him to help ease his pain?
That the horrors of High School are all in his brain?
That High School does not resemble real life
anymore than Mayberry or Barney Fife.
That the best you can wish and probably hope for
is that TVLand will never bring back Mr. Roper?
And how can you fret about going to school
when there are mice in the walls which is really uncool?
Your mother works hard
to build a home without mice
and here you are hoping
your homeroom teacher is nice.
How about your poor mother
who wakes up every day
then goes back to bed
once you’re on your way?
Do you think that it’s easy-
living with vermin?
And who decided to name
hermits Herman?
And why are my thoughts
at times such a mess?
But back to the Boy-
I sometimes digress.
In the morning I delivered him
I’m not sure if he slept
and I bet you are thinking
here’s the part where I wept.
No, I did not cry
not a tear did I shed.
I threw open the passenger door,
kissed the top of his head.
And yelled to his peers
as I drove on my way:
“Your first vacation
is Columbus Day!”
And as for the mice
and critters who crawl,
upstairs we have traps
and D-con for you all.
And it’s not that I’m cruel,
and it’s not that I’m lazy
but the mice in the walls
are making me crazy.