Tag Archives: window screens

On Why it’s Raining (Still)

7 Jun

blog image window screen

Why is the weather so horrible?

Because here’s why:

on the last blazing, hot and humid day to date (Saturday, June 1, but who’s keeping score?) I may have been crazy from the heat (bonus points if you noted the reference to David Lee Roth’s 1985 EP titled “Crazy from the Heat.”  And how do I know this?  It’s the EP on which he destroyed The Beach Boys “California Girls.” And when I say “destroyed” I mean “ruined” as in: “trashed,” “mocked” and “it’s no wonder he was busted buying a $5 bag of pot in Washington Square Park shortly thereafter; he stinks”) and I decided right then, on hot and humid Saturday, June 1, to put ALL the window screens in so that when the cool and dry breezes arrived, we would be able to partake of them.

And while I may have decided to install window screens immediately, I didn’t actually get to it until after I had coffee, yelled at The Boy and checked 6pm.com to see if any Kork-Ease sandals were on sale (because when the breezes do come, enjoying them in a lightweight and comfortable wedge is way more pleasant knowing that the shoes were 50% off (or more) with free shipping).

Note: yelling at The Boy is what happens on weekends when morning becomes afternoon and I have gotten nothing done and now it’s even hotter and all the funky, cheap Kork-Ease sandals are not available in size 9 but I have somehow convinced myself that a discounted BØRN or DANSKO sandal will be fine even though I know that they’re not as stylish and why is it so damn hot in here?

Update: it’s been rainy and cold since the screens went in.  It’s too soggy to wear the runner-up shoes, another weekend is upon us and I have a sore throat which means there will be limited yelling at The Boy.

I suppose I could check online to see if there are any snow tires on sale but the last time I bought snow tires and had them mounted, balanced and installed, we didn’t get snow for an entire winter, not even ice.

Also the tick population exploded, the plants all got sunburned and I didn’t wear the fabulous moonboots that I bought at Zappos.com even once.

I suppose if I want to make the sun come out, I just need to buy an umbrella.

When this whole world starts getting me down

21 Mar

Spring arrived early so the window screens had to go in NOW which means that I had to get the screens down from the attic, set them on the lawn, scrub them and clean the windows.

By the time all that was done, I was tired and dirty yet determined, by now, to get just one screen in one window because if anyone else wants street air, you can put in your own damn window screens.  Who died and made me screen queen?  Drama queen, for sure, but window screens?  I hope you can hear me.

Lacking a queen’s minions, I climbed onto the roof and, with rubber mallet in hand, slammed a window screen into place and secured it like nobody’s business.  Ted Nugent loaded up on five-hour energy drinks would have difficulty busting through that screen.  Mosquitoes and moths, no problem.  But the Nuge?  Definitely a challenge.  Already the house felt fresher.

Knowing that with screen in place I would have to climb off the roof, I positioned a ladder nearby.  I knew that the ladder was a little short but the bigger, safer ladder was way over in the shed and all I wanted was to be done.  So I kept the smaller ladder and figured that spouse could hold onto my ankle to help me down.

If he were here.

While dangling from a gutter is a less than ideal time to recall that spouse decided to “run to the hardware store,” hanging from a gutter contemplating why women marry at all, is worse.  And, my arms got really tired.

So here is why living in a small town is bad: because it is impossible to “run” anywhere.  No matter what the task, there is always someone eager to chat.  Even if you say that you are in a hurry and that your wife might be (literally) hanging from the roof, there is always a neighbor, friend of a neighbor or stranger who will ask: “well now, what’s she up there for?”

And here is why living in a small town is good: because after sitting up on the roof for 45 minutes, singing all The Drifters songs I know (one), watching a rain storm in the hollow, seeing a robin build a nest and noting that I need a pedicure (I am still a queen), a neighbor came over, popped the window screen out and helped me back in.

And she brought some lemonade.

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